Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i was born a porn star she said
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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