I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
