My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
