I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
