Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
