What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
