I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
