omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
