its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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