i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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