You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
