Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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