Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
