alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
