If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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