I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
