You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
