I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
