i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
