I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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