do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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