i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
