Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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