It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
