i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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