i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
