If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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