so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
