i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
