how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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