I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
