Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
