dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
