Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
