I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Someone shattered a urinal.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
