my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Randomize
