Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
organizing the empties. That sober.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
