just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
