did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
