Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
