Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
