allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
