I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
