so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
