Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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