How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
