Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
we made out on top of his cat.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The Olympian is in my bed
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
