I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
