He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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