loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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