We named our party play list daddy issues
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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