oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
