ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
